Note to Self

If I could go back in time and give my kid-less self some pointers here's what I would say:

"Self, sleep as much as you can, whenever you can. You're going to miss it. When you don't clean your house for five days, it's not dirty. You'll find out what dirty really is. Stay up as late as you want whenever you feel like it! Watch movies, eat junk, do whatever. You don't have to wake up and take care of anyone but yourself. Go on a date every. single. weekend. You don't have to worry about a baby sitter. Spend five hours in the middle of the day trying out a new recipe. And enjoy cooking with both of your hands free. Go shopping and spend money on yourself while you have no one else to spend it on. Guilt free. You're not fat and your stomach is beautiful. For now. If you get an urge to go somewhere, do something, or be with someone, do it. Just pick up and go wherever you want whenever you want. Enjoy it while it takes one minute to get out the door instead of 15. And live every day grateful in knowing that your entire life won't be this way."

I knew most of these things before I ever had kids. But I don't think I relished in it all as much as I should have. This got me thinking though, what would my future self want to come back and tell my present self? I think it would probably be something like this:

"Self, see these three beautiful children? Look at them every day and remember they are yours. Yours. Literally a part of you. You're blessed. 

See this little boy? When he cuddles up to you and lets you read book, after book, after book to him, don't worry if dinner will be late, laundry will go unfolded, or dusting will not get done. Do puzzles with him, run around the house with him, and keep giving him those kisses that he tries to dodge.

See this little girl? Cherish the fact that she will only let you be the one to wipe her bum, put her to bed, get her out of the bath, or generally do anything. There might be times when she wants nothing to do with you when she gets older. Let her help. Even if it takes five times longer to get things done. She won't always want to help when she's bigger. And she'll be grateful to know how to do things when she's a mother herself.

See this baby boy? Enjoy the moments that he'll let you rock him. Watch him sleep at night and memorize the way he looks so you'll know if his babies look like him when he gets bigger. Don't worry if you get nothing done because he wants you to hold him all day. Hold him all day. He'll change his mind about that when he can get around on his own. 

And most importantly, self, you are not a failure if you don't feel overwhelmed with gratitude and appreciation every single second of every single day for the gift that is motherhood. It's hard. It's frustrating. And you are doing your best. You will only be a failure if you don't bottle up the glimpses of perfection and remember that this is what it's about. You do it for those little moments. Go easy on yourself."

So my present self  is thinking: "Self, you are blessed. You are lucky and watched over. Enjoy. Be grateful. Be happy. And eat chocolate. It will help."