Right now I'm reading this book:
Which is fabulous and I am loving it. It really is strengthening my testimony that Thomas S. Monson was foreordained to be a prophet of God and I'm looking forward to General Conference that much more. However, I have to say, the downside of this book is that is also makes me feel like this:
Now, let me be clear - this has NOTHING to do with how the book is written or anything about President Monson. It has to do with my own insecurities and need to be perfect. He mentions that his wife has always been a huge support and has "never complained". Say what?! No complaining? I mean, you take that away from me and what's left? I'm practically a professional complainer. But that is exactly the kind of wife I always wanted to be. I kind of had something like this in mind:
And what you don't see are my ten perfectly polished, polite, and quiet children who I have never once raised my voice to. Not to mention my sparkling clean house. Unrealistic expectations you say? Psssh.
Ok, maybe. But somebody should have given me more details on this parenting thing before I got started! I mean, for crying out loud, why did I never know that it was going to be entirely up to ME (and Mark) to teach them to be respectable people?! Shouldn't someone else share the load here? Or at the very least be responsible for them in the middle of the night. I KNOW I didn't sign up for that.
But as I was laying in my bed last night at 1:30 wondering if I should just abandon the illusion that I was going to get any sleep at all I realized that I am definitely not the only mom out there who feels this way. (...right?) And while a prophet of God is a good example to follow, Heavenly Father certainly doesn't expect me to live the same life he has; just to do my very best to try to emulate those same Christlike qualities.
Sometimes when I read other people's blogs I have to remind myself that people tend to only post about the very best in their lives. I mean, who would want to read the blog of a whining fool? Well, I do! That's who! Then I would know I'm not the only one who feels like they have no idea what they're doing. Or who does something they regret that you just know is going to end up being your child's very first memory of you. Or who lets their kids play outside in their underwear in the dirt because they're not fighting for once! Not that every post should be a Debby Downer, but occasionally it would be refreshing to read. Am I right ladies?
So, here's to real life and all it's imperfections. One day my kids will all sleep all night long. One day my kids will all dress themselves and wipe their own bums. One day my house will be clean all the time and I'll have lots of time to keep it that way. And let's face it folks - as much as I enjoy each day for what it is - there are days that I live for "one day".
4 comments:
jennifer, please-you a big fat failure?? not hardly!! i was wanting to read that book but now i really don't want to be reminded of how big of a complainer and a failure that i am! :)i feel the same way with sleepless nights-but i always have to remind myself that they will grow out of it and it's only temporary. it was fun seeing you yesterday! next time my house???
Love the post! I too have to remind myself that our fellow peeps only blog about the 'good stuff' but it would be nice to hear about the hard stuff too! I too would like to know I am not alone with my struggles:)
I always tell myself, this part of my life; raising little ones, dressing them, cleaning up after them or being up all night with them will be gone before I know it! You're a great mom!
Oh Chen! I miss you! You always make me laugh!! I've stopped checking blogs everyday because it starts to feel like everyone is perfect except for me! I could set you up with an army of I'm a crappy mom and my kids are driving me crazy posts but fortunately for me and everyone else,I'm just not into blogging right now! I'm really good at the "one day..." but I think when that day comes I'll forget about all the sleepless nights and dirty diapers and screaming and crying and just remember how gosh darn cute they were and the funny things they said. anywho, my mom said to me the other day that she thinks Pres. Monson's quote "find joy in the journey", is supposed to have more emphasis on "find". That spoke to me. Sometimes we have to actually find it and it might be the one sloppy kiss you got from your toddler that day! Miss you!
So well said. You are definitely not alone. Great post that I needed to hear. No one is perfect, although I sure feel like everyone BUT me is. You are amazing though, for reals. Love you!!!
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