Guilt. How I loathe you. Everything else about being a mom has some kind of reward. Including potty training and sleepless nights. But guilt is good for NOTHING. Unfortunately I've been experiencing a lot of it lately. I've been debating for a while about weaning Saydi onto formula but really didn't want to for lots of reasons - breast milk is better, formula's expensive, she's getting so close to being one and going on whole milk, etc. However, I've worried about this little girl practically since birth. She rarely giggles and lately was even starting to smile less. She absolutely loses it when I leave the room or if someone else tries to play with her and talk to her. Most concerning to me is that over the last almost six months she has only gained TWO pounds. Two. Not good. I've felt like all of this is because of my milk supply so I've been trying to drink more water, etc. But a couple weeks ago I had to get a colonoscopy and so I had to pump and dump for 12 hours so Saydi had to take bottles for a day. There was pretty much no looking back for her. I fought her the whole next day to try to get her to nurse and even though so started to again she will not do it for more then 5-6 minutes and she is frequently breaking off and looking around, getting bored with it. Plus she won't really latch on very good any more either. So, when she went an entire day last week with almost no wet diapers at ALL I decided it was time to make it official. The thing is - I feel guilty about switching her, but I feel even more guilty about the changes I'm already seeing in her. She plays, giggles, smiles, is content, and is wetting diapers like a champ! So now I have guilt that I didn't switch her sooner! (Or at least try to figure something out!) She's still nursing first thing in the morning and for one feeding during the day and then she does both before bed. I plan to have her completely weaned by the time she's 9 months to make it an easier adjustment for both of us. But I really wish I could just look at the positive and not worry about all the guilt over every dumb thing. I hate it. I do it with Weston too. Sometimes when I can't sleep at night I will remember times he's fallen down the stairs and I wasn't there and I just think, if only..., or why didn't I... Blah! Guilt, guilt, go away!
11 comments:
Oh Jen don't feel guilty! You just wanted to do what was best for her! Personally I know that breast milk is best but the girls in my family just don't produce milk either so I do formula and haven't looked back. I am a formula baby and turned out great (atleast I would like to think I did)! You are such a good mom! I am glad she is doing better!
Don't feel bad at all! The guilt we feel as mothers is just plain crazy sometimes. I nursed Jackson for a year and I felt guilty sometimes for NOT giving him a bottle because I felt awful everytime I left him with anyone!(he always hated the things and couldn't get enough out) I know it wasn't logical, but that's just the way I felt. At least she is feeling better :) You're a great mom!!
You are an amazing mom and never ever feel guilty about what you are doing. There are always reasons for what you do as a mother. I struggled so bad at the beginning with Zo cuz I couldn't produce enough milk and so she went straight to formula at one week old. I felt like the worst mom in the world. God always has a plan for us in store and knows what is best. Don't feel guilty. You are awesome and your kids love you to death. I love ya too girl
Oh Jen don't feel guilty! I felt the same way with Logan when I switched him to formula at 6 months, but he too was a little more content and happy. I really believe every little bit of nursing is so so good for your little ones, even if it is only a few weeks. You are such a good mom and don't worry about all the little things, even though we all do, they will not matter in the end:)
I remember feeling guilty when I was deciding whether or not to wean Tyler. I ended up weaning him at 9 months and I don't regret it at all. I was having to pump in the bathroom at work and then take frozen bags of milk to the babysitter...hassle!!! Switching to formula was great and Tyler never had a problem. Plus, if she's loving the bottle, why fight to nurse her? She'll be fine and you'll continue to be the great mom that you are...without feeling like your life has to revolve around a feeding schedule!
Looks like we all know how you feel Jen. I think women are SO good at the guilt thing. I went through this with Ali and Avery big time. I cried over it forever! We did the same thing with no wet diapers and losing weight to full blown chub and lots of dirty diapers. I think the key really is just making your decision and then go with it. There's no need to explain to anyone. You know whats best and once you decide there is no need to rehash it over and over. I did it to myself for a long time and it wasn't healthy. You're such a good mom! Easier said then done but don't let the guilt in!
Jen, you are such a good example of the kind of mom I want to be. It's nice to know,especially for a first time mom, that everyone goes through this in some way or another. Hang in there!
Jen you are such a wonderful mom. I look at you and wish I could be as wonderful as you. I understand the guilt thing too. It is hard. I am glad Saydi is doing better
and happy! You are a wonderful mom and never second guess that.
Guilt sucks, that’s for sure. But in twisted way I think it is actually a good thing. Grace went 6 months of not talking very well before I noticed that she was tongue tied. And I still had Doctors telling it was normal. But the guilt of it made me push to do whatever I had to do to make up for it. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about it and if I could have caught it sooner, she probably wouldn't have to do speech. But it happened, it is what it is, and it has made me more aware of things and I think made me a better mom. However, it is the worst part of motherhood.
Still jealous...
I think you are being too hard on yourself but I guess that's what moms are so good at! You really are a good mom and what I can tell from your blog, it looks like Saydi really wasn't doing that bad. It always seems worse when you are the one in the situation! It's so good to read your blog and the comments from all your friends because I think it helps all of us to know that we are not alone and that we all feel the same way at different times in our lives! We learn as we go and we also learn things from everyone around us. You really are a great mom!
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